Cthulhu vs. BeautifulPeople.com

Man, the dating life is rough. After trying eHarmony and PlentyOfFish.com, I still haven't gone on a single date. I thought my problem was that I've been focusing on quantity over quality. So I decided to sign up for BeautifulPeople.com. It's a social meeting ground for all of the strikingly attractive millennials. This site is so exclusive you have to be voted in based on your visage. Here is my profile page:


It only took a few minutes for people to turn on me.



Can you believe this?! Now I understand how my half brother Hastur the Unspeakable felt growing up. He was a normal Great Old One kid with dreams of taking over worlds and having stupid teenagers summon him by reading a book they found in some scary cellar. Then, he became the God of Shepherds and started walking around with one of those silly shepherd's canes. His confidence and shepherd's pride caused the others, including myself, great jealousy. We were all Gods but he was the first of us to be a God of Something. The ridicule began. The other Great Old One children called him Hastur the Sheep Pimp and filled most of his belongings with wool. The insults and wool rashes snowballed until his name became unspeakable and he has spent eternity alone.

Anyhoo, what am I to do now? Dating for a deity shouldn’t be this hard.

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