A Double Date w/ Cthulhu

Many of you know that our first screening of the year, CALL GIRL OF CTHULHU, is this Thursday, April 16th at 9 pm at the Alamo Village.  Co-presented by Blood Over Texas and Midnight Crew Studios, this Texas Premiere screening concerns a young artist who stumbles into a love triangle with one of the Great Old Ones.  Tickets are still available for only $10.  Director Chris LaMartina will be at the screening with actress Melissa O’Brien, the ‘Call Girl’ mentioned in the title. 

This whole event has put a lot of pressure on our honorary programmer, Cthulhu, who didn’t want to attend the screening alone.  If you’ve been following @CthulhuATX on twitter or keeping up to date with our blog, then you’ve witnessed Cthulhu’s rather hopeless attempt to search for true love.  Well, Founder Bears Fonte felt sorry for him, and asked his wife Erin to set Cthulhu up with a friend.  This led, unfortunately, to a doomed double date at Dave & Busters.  The evening got off to an immediate bad omen when Cthulhu had to be told he did not have free reign to ‘Bust’ most of the booths and tables in the restaurant.  Here’s a running tally of how the evening went from ill-fated to apocalyptic in a manner of an hour.

            7:32 Arrival of Alison, Cthulhu’s date, two minutes late.  Alison apologizes for the time.  Cthulhu says, “Time inflames all wounds, and Cthulhu does love a good wound.”

            7:40 Looking over the menu, Cthulhu mentions that avocado makes his ink smell funny, then laughs and elbows Alison in the ribs.

            7:43 Erin attempts small talk by telling him where Alison works.  Cthulhu responds, “All work not done to honor Cthulhu’s glorious return from slumber lacks purpose.  Except mimes.  Those clowns are hilarious.”

            7:50 Drinks arrives, Cthulhu raises a glass with each of his tentacles.

            7:58 Cthulhu plays a game with the waiter in which he hands him his water glass by a tentacle, and the waiter cannot remove it from his grip, and Cthulhu says “Sucker!” and points to the suckers on his tentacles.  This happens four or so times.

            8:05 The food arrives.   Cthulhu eats off of everyone’s plates, including people at neighboring tables.  When someone complains, Cthulhu rises, 9 feet tall and proclaims, “Dost though foolish mortal question the actions of Cthulhu to whom all things belong and only continue to exist by his will?”  Alison asks Cthulhu, “Why do you keep referring to yourself only in the third person?” Cthulhu responds “your simple people language cannot capture that grandeur that is I, The One, The Only, The Immortal, The All Powerful, He Who Can Be Named But By Doing So Only Furthers His Power Over You, which is a grammatical subjective case in and of itself in R'lyehian, restricted to Cthulhu’s own personal use.”

            8:09 Alison excuses herself to the restroom. 

            8:17 With Alison still unreturned from the restroom, Erin is dispatched to check if there is some sort of ‘girl thing’ going on.  Bears and Cthulhu discuss film in possibly the least awkward three minutes of the evening.

            8:20 Erin returns, she informs Cthulhu that she could not find Alison.  Cthulhu demands her cell phone and proceeds to search her text messages for information.

            8:22 After wiping the tentacle slime off her screen, Erin calls Alison but it goes straight to voicemail.

            8:25 Cthulhu positions himself at the exit to the restaurant declaring, “No mortal departs these portals without a virginal sacrifice being made to Cthulhu… no fatties.”  Terror overtakes Dave & Busters as clientele heave chairs at windows in hopes of release.

            8:35 Dave & Buster’s manager Ron negotiates a restaurant-wide reprieve in exchange for unlimited Skee-ball.  Ron is a good man.  Ron did humankind a vast service that night.

            8:40 Cthulhu distracted by Skee-ball, Bears and Erin make a break for the parking lot.