An Ewokian Recipe from Far, Far Away: FORCEJOADA

The following recipe has been translated into Galactic Basic from its native Ewokian and adapted to suit a more universal palate by Michael Thielvoldt, Editor-chef of Cooking Lightsaber Magazine and Film Programmer for Other Worlds Austin SciFi Film Festival.

Have you found yourself the impromptu owner of a large amount of meat that you don’t want to go to waste? Perhaps you had to gut your loyal Tauntaun to escape a frigid Hothian night. Or, maybe yesterday’s battle with The Empire left you with a slew of slain Stormtrooper corpses that are mucking up your forest commune. Never fear! The following is a hearty, tans-special dish that has been turning heads across the galaxy as of late. Easy to follow and inviting of substitutions, it’s sure to be tomorrow’s star attraction in your cruiser’s galley, the prize entry at your annual Life Day celebration dinner, or a fitting centerpiece to your next Wistie Fest plate (after all, Ewoks can’t live on pie alone). Just follow these simple preparation and cooking instructions: they’re as easy as do or do not; no need to even think about try.

The first thing you will want to consider is your proteins. The beauty of this dish is that you can use nearly any variety of meats. You will want to make sure that the meats you choose are hearty enough to live up to stewing, if you plan to extend the cook time of this dish. Also, including a variety of smoked, salted, and other cured meats is essential for best flavor and textures, so don’t forget to factor in any smoking/curing times to the front end of your preparation.

The other main ingredient is denta beans. The night before you intend to make and serve your batch of Forcejoada, rinse and soak a couple of pounds of denta beans in large bowl or pot. Make sure the denta beans are completely submerged. The next morning, move your denta beans into a large sauce pan, a cauldron, or even a boiled and bleached Wampa skull (you’d be surprised at how well a good Wampa skull holds up to cooking flames). You know your kitchen better than we do, so use what you have; just make sure it’s big enough for your ingredients and these bold flavors! Submerge the denta beans in fresh, cold water and bring everything to a boil over a medium heat flame. Here’s a little trick for you Jedi out there that we picked up while scouting the Dagobah System for fresh salad ingredient ideas: use your lightsaber to quicken the boil, and you’ll be cooking faster than the Millennium Falcon on the Kessel Run! Simmer for 30 minutes or until your denta beans are tender.

Next add your meat to the stewing denta beans. As mentioned above, flavorful meats will help kick this dish into hyperdrive, so don’t be stingy with them. Some favorites include: smoked Nerf ribs, thick-sliced and salted Nuna bacon, Eopie brisket, Barbecued trakkrrrn ribs, hambones, and Gamorrean pork. If you’re feeling adventurous, spice up your dish with a handful of Klatooine paddy frog legs or a bucket of Crispy feet. Toss them in the pot and give it all a big stir. Cook for an additional 30 minutes over medium heat.

Heat a very large pan and pour in cooking oil so it covers the bottom. Add garlic and any variety of onions you have. Flurr-Cle, Magenta, Ojomian, even Red Nebula onions will work. Cook the garlic and onions until both are soft. Add the the cooked garlic and onions to your meat and beans. Add some Bellassan peppers and Zeltron pop-peppers and feel free to experiment with the spices. Finally, squeeze in some citrus. We prefer Mandalorian orange, but Barabel fruit, Daelfruit, Ghibli fruit, even Starfruit can be substituted. If you want to make this dish a truly elevating experience, add a bit of Aurilian fruit to heighten the senses of your diners. Top everything off with fresh water and simmer for about 1 hour, until the meat is falling off the bone.

Serve your Forcejoada over boiled Ghoba rice, with slices of Mandalorian orange (or whichever fruit you used as substitute). Add some very finely sliced Dagobah greens fried in cooking oil with finely chopped onion and garlic, and that’s it! After a taste of Forcejoada, I’m sure you’ll agree it’s a step up from your typical quarter ration dinner.  


If you can't tell yet, OWA really loves STAR WARS - so much so that this May the 4th marks our third annual Star Wars Day Fan Film Screening! We take the best (and goofiest) Star Wars fan films out there and give them a night of big screen glory. This year's free event take place at 4th Tap, starting at 6pm. They even brewed some beer just for us (Light or Dark Side, take your pick...) so we'll see you there!